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Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate
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Review
“Bravo, Stan Tatkin, for writing a truly useful book about dating: what to look for; how to handle Internet dating sites; what to know about yourself; how to vet potential partners; and how to proceed in a level-headed fashion toward finding life’s greatest prize—a long-term successful partnership. Moreover, it’s got poetry, a grounded understanding of neuroscience and attachment theory, excellent questions and exercises, and really smart advice. I learned a lot. It’s a special book.”—Helen Fisher, PhD, biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, chief scientific advisor to the Internet dating site www.match.com, and author of Why Him? Why Her?, Why We Love, Anatomy of Love, The First Sex, and The Sex Contract“People entering into relationships today need this book more than ever. Wired for Dating goes beyond simply being a guide on increasing your chances of successful dating; Stan Tatkin, PsyD, provides a science-based approach filled with valuable insights and techniques that can give us the ability to create more enduring and richer relationships. This book can transform the culture we live in today!”—Elisha Goldstein, PhD, cofounder of The Center for Mindful Living in Los Angeles, CA, and author of Uncovering Happiness“Perhaps nothing is as pivotal in creating enduring and satisfying relationships as the intricate dance of dating. Stan Tatkin has found a way to make the complexities of this elusive process clear, without diluting the science and clinical practice that inform this central life issue. Wired for Dating is a flexible and supportive guide for those running the relationship gauntlet, as well as a significant contribution to emotionally based therapies.”—Peter A. Levine, PhD, author of Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, and In an Unspoken Voice“Where was Stan Tatkin when I was dating? I highly recommend Wired for Dating to anyone who is ready for a secure-functioning relationship. Tatkin addresses the scientific, psychobiological, neurobiological, and intricate ways of the nervous system within the realm of dating, and does so in an utterly readable, practically applicable, wise, and entertaining way.”—Alanis Morissette, artist and activist“If you are thinking about starting to date, are excited about a person you recently met, or have met the love of your life, you will find reading this book an eye-opening experience. Stan Tatkin has succeeded in integrating attachment and neuroscience research as he takes us on a wonderful journey through the worlds of dating, mating, and love.”—Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy and Lean on Me“Meeting and coming together with a mate doesn’t have to be a happenstance affair. In Wired for Dating, Stan Tatkin lays out what you need to know and specifically what you can do to have the best chances of success in a relationship. Expert advice for people of all ages and all shades of prior experience who are serious about finding happiness in a lasting long-term relationship.”—Bill O’Hanlon, coauthor of Love is a Verb and Rewriting Love Stories“Stan Tatkin’s Wired for Dating is a wonderful, supportive guide to self- and relationship discovery. It is filled with nuggets of wisdom that make it easy to answer some of the toughest dating questions. Using Tatkin’s psychobiological approach, you can navigate dating with much more grace. You have a way to identify serious red flags, as well as the exercises and skills to build a long-term successful partnership. Now you can choose a life partner with confidence and the clarity that you are right for each other. Reading Wired for Dating is one of the most important decisions you will make in your mating life.”—Ellyn Bader, PhD, cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA“Stan Tatkin’s marvelous and intelligent guide gives you the total map when you seek a partner worthy of your efforts and ask the important question, ‘Is this the right one for me?’ Tatkin shows you how to use both sides of your powerful brain and finally make the right decision. The heart meets science, and you’re the winner. He takes the mystery out of dating so you can enjoy the mystery of being with the person you really love. Now you can date with a safety net, and enjoy the journey as the genuine magic happens.”—Peter Pearson, PhD, cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA“Stan Tatkin is one of the most important voices in couple relationships today. His knowledge is grounded in research, packed with practicality, and sprinkled with a unique blend of wisdom and wit. Take the time to read Wired for Dating; you will be rewarded with inspiration and insight.”—Pat Love, EdD, LMFT, coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It“Stan Takin is one of the leading figures in relationship counseling. In Wired for Dating, he explains partnership science so that readers can create a secure, meaningful relationship. Study this book before commencing your relationship journey so you have a map for success. Learn these methods when you are partnered to chart its continuation. Easy to read, eminently practical.”—Jeffrey K. Zeig, PhD, founder and CEO of The Milton H. Erickson Foundation
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About the Author
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is the author of Wired for Love and Your Brain on Love, and coauthor of Love and War in Intimate Relationships. He has a clinical practice in Southern California, teaches at Kaiser Permanente, and is assistant clinical professor at the University of California, Los Angeles. Tatkin developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), and together with his wife Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, founded the PACT Institute. Foreword writers Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, are partners in life and work. They cocreated Imago relationship therapy (IRT); cofounded Imago Relationships International, Inc., which supports Imago couples therapists in thirty-seven countries; and have written several books on intimate relationships, including Hendrix’s New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want, which has been published in sixty languages. Hendrix appeared on Oprah seventeen times. Hunt was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame.
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Product details
Paperback: 200 pages
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (January 2, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 162625303X
ISBN-13: 978-1626253032
Product Dimensions:
6.2 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
51 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#24,596 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I love this book! It makes me want to date, I look forward to figuring things out with a potential partner more and more as I re-read my favorite passages. I especially appreciate the idea that we can learn to soothe our partners when things get tense between us and that there are ways to think about how our respective styles of relating can be handled successfully. This island is looking forward to my future anchor. I especially loved his myths about love: this 60+ person is ready to jump right in!
I'm a therapist who trains with Dr. Tatkin. So yes, I'm bias! The man is brilliant, sharp, using cutting edge understanding of the way we bond and maximize our relationships. He truly is amazing, and he is a genuine mentor. In fact, he's got this buddha vibe about him. The smiling and laughing Buddha that is! Since studying with Stan, the way I work with my couples changed drastically, and helped my couples tremendously. Not to mention how my own intimate relationship has benefited enormously. Wired for Dating is a must read! It lays a strong foundation on what it means to be in a win-win relationship, and how to avoid the pitfalls we all face at times; pitfalls that can destroy relationships when not dealt with efficiently. I wish I had known all of this material years ago. So many wasted years. And more importantly, I'm glad I found Stan. It's never too late to have a great relationship!
Tatkin's book is much more balanced and practical than many of the attachment-based relationship books out there. His explanation of the neurobiology of attraction is easy to understand and incredibly important in making sense of new relationship experiences and changes in thinking and behavior that can otherwise be puzzling or hurtful. He offers practical ideas for how to understand one's own and others' needs in relationship and styles of relating, and how to take better care of oneself before and during the development of a potential partnership. The book is written for people seeking a healthy relationship with a long-term committed partner, but many of my clients have found it useful for healthier ways to approach dating in general, even when commitment is not a current goal.
This book helped me learn about myself, my parents and what I was looking for in a partner. It actually helped me find and be a reassuring, secure partner.
I love the philosophy that is taught so well here. Our past, upbringing and how we feel growing up does mold us into the begin gs we become.Until I read this book I had no idea why Inwas pushing people away or reacting to my relationships. I am a psychology major and have read many self help books. This is one of the best!
If you've read Stan's other books, then you have a sense of what's on offer here--smart, practical, neurobiologically and attachment informed relational advice--but this is his best so far. Stan has a knack for continuing to put out new, and better material: in addition to being a very sane guide to dating (I've not seen another one that takes its cue from the latest research, while also being original and creative), there are lots of exercises and general advice applicable to long-standing relationships as well. I am a clinical psychologist and of course human being with a vested interest in getting better at relationships and understanding what makes them work, and there are few writers or models out there I would recommend more highly. Definitely not to be missed.
The dating scenarios and explanations were too long. This felt like assigned reading for a Psychology 101 class on attachment theory and dating. STILL VERY USEFUL INFORMATION TO KNOW. My favorite parts were when the author disclosed how he vetted his partner in dating and about his wave-tendency, (attachment styles are anchor, island, and wave for secure, insecure avoidant, insecure ambivalent).
Pretty good, easy to understand. My LCSW recommended I read it. It's hard for me to assign everyone to a cookie cutter box, so I recommend taking it with a grain of salt but the message is still the same. I ultimately found it insightful and helpful.
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